Ahoy, matey! Are you ready for a culinary adventure? Prepare to be swept away by the captivating charm of… well, maybe not. Let’s embark on a journey to Seabird, a restaurant perched atop the new
Hoxton hotel
in
London
.
First impressions are everything, and Seabird’s, sadly, don’t set the sails for a smooth voyage. The aroma that greets you isn’t the enticing fragrance of fresh seafood; it’s the pungent scent of paraffin lamps, casting an unwelcome shadow over your dining experience.
A Bit of Brooklyn in London?
Seabird boasts a lofty ambition, aiming to recreate the vibrant atmosphere of Brooklyn’s acclaimed seafood haven, Maison Premiere. They’ve even enlisted the culinary talents of Maison Premiere’s esteemed chefs, Joshua Boissy and Krystof Zizka. Oysters galore, Iberian-inspired seafood, and a touch of swagger – that’s the promise Seabird makes. But does it deliver?
A Beachside Cabin in the Sky
Stepping into Seabird is like entering a faux beachside cabin – floppy palm fronds, scuffed floorboards, and oversized raffia lampshades create a whimsical yet oddly uncomfortable ambiance. The unyielding music pounds against the raw brick and concrete, blending seamlessly with the awkwardly low seating that makes you feel like you’re about to sink into the floorboards.
The Service: A Rough Sea
Navigating the menu becomes a treacherous journey, as your waiter seems to possess the navigational skills of a lost sailor. He claims to explain the menu, but instead, he focuses on what’s
not
available, leaving you wondering if you’ve stepped into a seafood restaurant or a game of culinary charades. His lack of note-taking skills leads to a symphony of missed orders and a growing sense of frustration.
A Culinary Storm
The food itself is a mixed bag. The crudo is pleasant but overpriced, the crab buñuelos lack the promised crab filling, and the fava bean side dish is mysteriously absent, despite the waiter’s insistence that it was never ordered. However, the gillardeau oysters shine brightly, sweet and meaty, a glimmer of hope in this culinary tempest.
A Salty Price Tag
Seabird seems to have a casual disregard for value. A small plate of sea bream crudo costs £18, while a half fish of plaice on the bone comes in at a hefty £26. Despite the delicious mackerel, it’s hard to shake the feeling that you’re being robbed blind. And the wine list? It’s filled with expensive options, leaving you scrambling for an affordable bottle.
A Desperate Search for a Sweet Ending
The desserts arrive, offering a brief respite from the culinary chaos. The doughnuts bring a moment of joy, while the manchego cheesecake leaves much to be desired. The lemon granita is a delightful surprise, but the Chantilly cream feels like a heavy burden.
A Night to Forget
As you try to escape the stinky paraffin lamps and the unrelenting music, you realize that Seabird is a restaurant best left to the seagulls. It’s a collection of unfortunate mishaps, overpriced food, terrible service, and a dizzying sense of dissatisfaction.
So, if you’re looking for a truly memorable seafood experience, steer clear of Seabird and set your sights on the calmer waters of Oystermen Seafood Bar & Kitchen or Nour Cash and Carry.
